A lot has happened since my last post. I have spent a lot of time walking through these streets with Anthony. Walking has been more common than anything else without a car. The people at our church were more than generous in setting us up with bus passes. Even still, getting around a city on buses still includes a whole lot of walking. If you've spent a great amount of time doing this, then you know how much talking happens. A lot of reflecting, and a lot of time with God in prayer. Anthony's been with me through all this, and together we have grown so close and tackled a lot of areas of our hearts, learning to break them down further for others. It is hard to love people. I don't do the best job in the world. However, God is so good and He has helped me so much to have that heart for the ones I couldn't before. I've been able to be there for people here and care about them and understand them more than I could before. I'm glad because it wasn't my intention to just shut them down or make them feel trampled on with my beliefs. But I also had a hard time relating, or even wanting to care about some of them.
      I haven't written in awhile because things have not been very good. When I don't have a job, when I'm depending on others and looking for work, when I'm struggling with my family, I don't want to post. It's just too personal. People want to hear, yes I've had a good day. Not every day is a good day. However, every day I've still felt blessed. Blessed that I don't have money to hold back my heart. Blessed to be humbled to depend on others when I'd rather be the one giving. The one receiving the praise for how generous I am. But God doesn't give us what we want, he gives us what we need.
      It's hard for me to deal with people who hate God because it's what I love most. It's easy to hate the people who hate what you love. But God doesn't wait for us to be perfect, or be everything he'd like us to be before he helps us, or takes care of us, or involves himself in our lives. He meets us right where we are at. It's not my job to go around pointing the finger, or putting people in their place. Honestly I don't think I've spent my time doing that, but it was hard for me to be patient. When people struggle, they go through tough times, but then get angry when you even mention the option of God. It's hard.
      I'm writing now because there is light at the end of my struggle. I just got a new job. Anthony and I's marriage is official and done :) I've even gotten to do some new art as well. It's not a perfect life, but it's enough. It's everything I need, because that's what God provides. I'm extremely happy, and feel full. At the same time of course I have stronger desires, mostly that we get a place of our own.
      Anthony studied really hard, all month and even some of the month before. He was hitting his books and taking practice tests every time I'd see him. He's are almost there with getting in the Army. However, we unfortunately got a jaywalking ticket not long ago. This sucks :) But these things happen, and I should have just pressed the button even though we'd been walking from one city to another all day that day. One mess up with the law is a lot less forgiving than with God. Anyway, he cant go till it gets paid, so we've got to work on that.