When I first made this blog I envisioned moving to California and living by it's beautiful oceans once again. I imagined getting a car instantly and landing some great art job that involved working with kids, maybe teaching preschool and selling my works when I was off. I thought the man that was going to help me for a month or so would be dating me a couple more years and once we were both on our feet to afford a big wedding and nice place to live then we'd move in together and get married.
It's really great when you make plans, isn't it? But our plans didn't work out one bit the way we intended them. Even once I came here to Death Valley, as you can see I pretty much stopped posting. Again, things were supposed to go "as planned". We had it set out than in September we'd have saved enough to send me to SF, and I'd find a job out there, get started, and bring Anthony along, and things would be great. We'd have a place to stay and work. We've been out here in Death Valley for about 7 months now. For 7 months we haven't had to worry about anyone scary to depend on living off of. No one was threatening us, we were just able to make money and have a place to stay. The hours were long, the food, ridiculously disgusting and illegally expired. We barely got to see each other, but when we did it was always such bliss to just spend a few moments being happy, married, and secure.
Why can't things just go the way you plan them? Why does God constantly have another path? These are things I get to thinking. You've probably thought them before too. Why do we even bother thinking that? He already had a path. It's our scared insecure brains that try to tie all the knots of false insecurity together into believing that we are going to be ok because of our "plan." Even though, constantly, again and again, our plan fails, falls apart, crumbles, vanishes. But God's plans are always solid. He always follows through and takes care of us.
I don't know why but we are going back to Lancaster. Probably my least favorite city in the world. All I know is I better try to have a positive attitude, because we are in for a very rough ride, and now with a little one on the way. It seems like someone reads this blog, and honestly I have no idea who ha ha. But if you are reading, please pray for me and my family. My husband and I are going back to no home, no job, and pregnant. This is going to be very difficult. Our "plan" is hopefully to get some government aide to buffer us until one or both can stabilize a job. However, currently I'm having trouble getting the proper nutrition for me and my baby, so that's one thing we are hoping to be aided in. If I can get to better health, I could go back to work. I really hope we can take care of this beautiful blessing, and God provides a way to assist our family.
Needless to say, my Art Degree and all my experience with children is all on the back burner. I'm just floating the retail jobs with the experience I have from that.It's a lot more draining on me and a shame I can't use my greater talents. But you know, God didn't just give me one area to help my husband and for that we are blessed. If he can get to school in Lancaster that will help him find more work as well. I've got to remind myself we are not the only ones facing hardships. God bless.
~Lindsay
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