Seven Months in the Desert

When I first made this blog I envisioned moving to California and living by it's beautiful oceans once again. I imagined getting a car instantly and landing some great art job that involved working with kids, maybe teaching preschool and selling my works when I was off. I thought the man that was going to help me for a month or so would be dating me a couple more years and once we were both on our feet to afford a big wedding and nice place to live then we'd move in together and get married.

It's really great when you make plans, isn't it? But our plans didn't work out one bit the way we intended them. Even once I came here to Death Valley, as you can see I pretty much stopped posting. Again, things were supposed to go "as planned". We had it set out than in September we'd have saved enough to send me to SF, and I'd find a job out there, get started, and bring Anthony along, and things would be great. We'd have a place to stay and work. We've been out here in Death Valley for about 7 months now. For 7 months we haven't had to worry about anyone scary to depend on living off of. No one was threatening us, we were just able to make money and have a place to stay. The hours were long, the food, ridiculously disgusting and illegally expired. We barely got to see each other, but when we did it was always such bliss to just spend a few moments being happy, married, and secure.

Why can't things just go the way you plan them? Why does God constantly have another path? These are things I get to thinking. You've probably thought them before too. Why do we even bother thinking that? He already had a path. It's our scared insecure brains that try to tie all the knots of false insecurity together into believing that we are going to be ok because of our "plan." Even though, constantly, again and again, our plan fails, falls apart, crumbles, vanishes. But God's plans are always solid. He always follows through and takes care of us. 

I don't know why but we are going back to Lancaster. Probably my least favorite city in the world. All I know is I better try to have a positive attitude, because we are in for a very rough ride, and now with a little one on the way. It seems like someone reads this blog, and honestly I have no idea who ha ha. But if you are reading, please pray for me and my family. My husband and I are going back to no home, no job, and pregnant. This is going to be very difficult. Our "plan" is hopefully to get some government aide to buffer us until one or both can stabilize a job. However, currently I'm having trouble getting the proper nutrition for me and my baby, so that's one thing we are hoping to be aided in. If I can get to better health, I could go back to work. I really hope we can take care of this beautiful blessing, and God provides a way to assist our family. 

Needless to say, my Art Degree and all my experience with children is all on the back burner. I'm just floating the retail jobs with the experience I have from that.It's a lot more draining on me and a shame I can't use my greater talents. But you know, God didn't just give me one area to help my husband and for that we are blessed. If he can get to school in Lancaster that will help him find more work as well. I've got to remind myself we are not the only ones facing hardships. God bless.

~Lindsay

After this weekend we move to Death Valley!
       To fill in a few holes on what's been going on since my last post, in summary, its been a lot of work. I got a part time job at a Christian Camp and Conference Center.It's a beautiful amazing place that keeps you on your toes! I got down to work scrubbing tables, filling water, cleaning and setting for their dining hall.
     As time went on however, our troubles crept in. It's not my goal to attack anyone that's helped us out, but I will say that eventually our living situation became a difficult one. Sometimes extreme things need to happen for change to happen though, so again, just count it as a blessing. Due to our severe financial stresses (trying to live off one part time income in California being totally impossible), we were on emergency mode searching for work. We printed out resumes to send all over to places no one would want to work as well as nice high paying jobs we'd be qualified for. In the end, nothing was going to come up tomorrow when we needed a place to stay yesterday. We just didn't have the luxury of time being on our side. Thankfully, in the midst of it all, Anthony got a phone call.
       A place he'd applied to a long time ago called him up, offering him a job, and then me one as well! They paid for a place to live, eat, everything we need to get started. I can't say it's going to be easy or the best place I've ever lived. The conditions could be terrible, we could work so hard it hurts. At the same time, Anthony and I feel ready for just about anything. After you've wandered the streets just begging for someone to hire you, and worked for free or volunteering just to get experience, something as stable as this is definitely a blessing. We do expect it to be hard work, but I think we're also more than happy to do it.
       In a lot of ways I'm considering this a spiritual journey. On one hand because isn't everything you do in life a spiritual journey? I mean as long as you believe in that thing. And also on the other hand, because there's no way I could do anything that's happened to me without God.
      Without my being here, where would Anthony be? And even more so, where would I be? This is a big step for the both of us from two different points of life meeting the same goal.I like new and different places. However, I don't love changing addresses and account numbers, so I am more than happy to settle in one place once we get there.

       A lot has happened since my last post. I have spent a lot of time walking through these streets with Anthony. Walking has been more common than anything else without a car. The people at our church were more than generous in setting us up with bus passes. Even still, getting around a city on buses still includes a whole lot of walking. If you've spent a great amount of time doing this, then you know how much talking happens. A lot of reflecting, and a lot of time with God in prayer. Anthony's been with me through all this, and together we have grown so close and tackled a lot of areas of our hearts, learning to break them down further for others. It is hard to love people. I don't do the best job in the world. However, God is so good and He has helped me so much to have that heart for the ones I couldn't before. I've been able to be there for people here and care about them and understand them more than I could before. I'm glad because it wasn't my intention to just shut them down or make them feel trampled on with my beliefs. But I also had a hard time relating, or even wanting to care about some of them.
      I haven't written in awhile because things have not been very good. When I don't have a job, when I'm depending on others and looking for work, when I'm struggling with my family, I don't want to post. It's just too personal. People want to hear, yes I've had a good day. Not every day is a good day. However, every day I've still felt blessed. Blessed that I don't have money to hold back my heart. Blessed to be humbled to depend on others when I'd rather be the one giving. The one receiving the praise for how generous I am. But God doesn't give us what we want, he gives us what we need.
      It's hard for me to deal with people who hate God because it's what I love most. It's easy to hate the people who hate what you love. But God doesn't wait for us to be perfect, or be everything he'd like us to be before he helps us, or takes care of us, or involves himself in our lives. He meets us right where we are at. It's not my job to go around pointing the finger, or putting people in their place. Honestly I don't think I've spent my time doing that, but it was hard for me to be patient. When people struggle, they go through tough times, but then get angry when you even mention the option of God. It's hard.
      I'm writing now because there is light at the end of my struggle. I just got a new job. Anthony and I's marriage is official and done :) I've even gotten to do some new art as well. It's not a perfect life, but it's enough. It's everything I need, because that's what God provides. I'm extremely happy, and feel full. At the same time of course I have stronger desires, mostly that we get a place of our own.
      Anthony studied really hard, all month and even some of the month before. He was hitting his books and taking practice tests every time I'd see him. He's are almost there with getting in the Army. However, we unfortunately got a jaywalking ticket not long ago. This sucks :) But these things happen, and I should have just pressed the button even though we'd been walking from one city to another all day that day. One mess up with the law is a lot less forgiving than with God. Anyway, he cant go till it gets paid, so we've got to work on that.

I've been having some really intense conversations about God lately, with people I'd rather not bother speaking to, about religion. It's very hard to be loving to others and keep calm about these situations and not just fold up my hands and say I don't care. I don't know if any of you have ever tried to have a full out debate with an atheist, but hopefully many of you have. I've been talking to Anthony about how hard it is to love some people, and my previous post talked on that as well. Today, that topic just continued to heighten when I got in a debate over religion with a girl who I have no reason to like or love. However, I have every reason because of the Bible. God is dealing out more than his fair share of grace with me. So many different types of people are asking me the character of God, and I can't help but feel that I don't represent him enough. I don't always have the words to pierce through

            I'm having a bit of a hard time lately. It's been hard to not judge others and doubt myself, especially as my resources get low. It's been my constant prayer that I have direction and that my heart breaks for people I show indifference or bitterness towards. I need to possess sincere mercy and love for people of which that does not come easy for me. 

First Month in California

Hello everyone who is reading this! I wanted to find a way to bridge the gap between those of you I've left in Texas, and also anyone I've met recently in California who'd like to hear about what I'm up to.

First of all, I'd like to start by saying how great God is and what an adventure we get to experience in this life!

My first couple of weeks here were all about getting set up with a phone and a car. Phone has turned out just fine, and most of you have my new number. If you do not have my new number or address, please feel free to contact my e-mail lenailtx@yahoo.com, and I'll be sure to send it your way :)
Getting a new car was my first goal, which has turned out to be a big experience. The short version of the story was that I was sold a car with a lot of problems, but at the same time I only had a small amount, and kinda knew that for the money I was paying I wouldn't be getting much back. However, I thought at least I'd be able to get from a to b in this car. Turns out it lasted about a week before it started collecting dust and I started searching for ways to get it paid for!
    This has currently left me in the city I started in, Lancaster CA. It's only about an hour north of LA, closer to Pasedena, as some of you may be more familiar with that city (TCU fans ;). Eventually, I'd like to spend some time back down in the Laguna area to take some extra painting workshops or classes just to meet other artists and I'll always be pushing my skills further in art, but for now I am growing more attached to this city. I've even been doing a bit of research on the area to get to know it better. It's a mountain/desert area, that gets a bit of snow in the winter and stays nice and warm during the summers. The weather is beautiful and the landscape is amazing. It's small town atmosphere with the nice California weather and people, so I kinda like the combination!
     My main point in returning to California has been to really get grounded and connected to a good Christian community and create a forever home. Community has been awesome so far! Anthony and I have found a great study group and truly wonderful church. Our Bible study group is very large, and we also break into smaller groups, which I think works really well. We've had a lot of friends kindly go out of their way to give us rides to church and studies, so we are very grateful! We've only been to one meeting so far, which was just a starter get to know you event.
   We also went to a Poppy Festival here recently, where I was able to talk to so many people who were representing companies, churches, and outreach in the community. Some of which I hope to keep involved with in the future. One in particular was a Foster Care service who I may be creating a mural for soon! I've found the people here in my city to be very supportive and friendly in general, and I am very happy to be here.
  And as a closing note, if anyone is up for prayers, please continue to pray that I get a job close by soon so that I can repair my car. That would enable me to get more involved in art related projects and start looking for a place to stay.